Friday, June 15, 2012

Intentional Truth: Set free in marriage

One of the most quoted phrases is "the truth will set you free." As an American culture, we long for authenticity and hold high the value of freedom of speech.

Yet when it comes to fully knowing the truth about our own failures and shortcomings we prefer sugar-coated honesty. And oftentimes this is how we present the truth to others as well.

However, during the last eight months of marriage, I have learned that intentional truth-telling is essential for building a strong relationship. By this, I am not implying that you are to tell your significant other the truth harshly, to make yourself appear better, or to guilt-trip them. Speaking the truth in love means humbly addressing the other person and being vulnerable yourself.

John and me in North Carolina
Since we have only been married less than a year, John and I are obviously still new at this. However, a week ago we intentionally set aside the weekend, drove 2 hours to North Carolina, and had a mini marriage retreat for the two of us.

During the weekend, aside from relaxing, making s'mores, and being outside, we sat down together and answered eight questions. John wrote out the questions ahead of time and we both thought about them individually before discussing them together.

These are the questions we answered together:

  1. How have the first 8 months of marriage compared with what you dreamed about or envisioned?
  2. What are some of the things we need to acknowledge our thankfulness for in our first months of marriage?
  3. What do you want to get better at as a wife or husband?
  4. What do we want to get better at as a couple?
  5. What are some of the dreams that you have as an individual? How can I help you reach them?
  6. What are some of our dreams as a couple? How can we seek after them and surround ourselves with the right people?
  7. What are some of our greatest blindspots as a couple? 
  8. In what ways do you feel like you've grown since we've gotten married? 

As you can see, seeking to tell the truth is not just about uncovering your weaknesses. It's also about proclaiming your greatest hopes and dreams, and allowing another person to share in them. Because John and I are both committed to growing together as a couple and supporting individual God-given dreams, it set us free to intentionally speak truth into one another. This is a practice we want to continue doing every year, and I invite you to do the same.


  1. I love these questions and love that you're pursuing these conversations early in your marriage. We do something similar once a year for our anniversary but I like many of yours that aren't on our list. Happy 8 months to you both!

    1. Merritt, thanks so much for your comment and encouragement. I took a look at LiveSimplyLove and can't wait to start reading it regularly now!